Coaching is a relationship between two people, in our case, the coach
and the child. Even in a large group setting coaching is still a
relationship between two people. If you are coaching thirty children,
you are coach to every one of them individually. You are ‘their coach’
as well as the team coach. When you appreciate and understand this
you come to see that the relationship game is the first game you must
win as coach. You are looking to build the child at every level. You
must connect. This connection will precede true engagement,
commitment and contribution. You can’t afford to miss this one. It
drives confidence in the child and in the coach as well. We feel at ease.
“Connection drives confidence. Confidence drives competence (and vice versa).”
Connection takes time and awareness. Often I do one-off coaching
sessions with youth teams, and I struggle to connect because I don’t
know them and they don’t know me. My coaching style is stifled due
to lack of connection. I need to be, or come across as, more
authoritarian than I would like. When I know children and am
connected to them my style is free and fluid and they understand me.
How do we connect? For me, when dealing with children it’s through
fun, kindness and love. Kindness comes in many forms and everyone
has it at some level and in some style. Find it in you and practise it.
Everyone understands kindness. It is a language that speaks to all.
How can you show kindness to children/ players?
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Fun comes more naturally to some than others, but we all have a fun
side. Use your personality here. Let yourself go. It’s not about being
politically correct; it’s about being human. You will have different type
relationships with different children. Some children will be more
receptive to different types of interpersonal interactions. Some will be
serious; some will be more playful. Some will be shy and retiring
others will be more gregarious and naturally engaging. A rule of
thumb is; if the child is mature or developed enough to receive the
interaction then the interaction is appropriate. Please don’t try to be
perfect or try to be what you think people expect. Be free and be
yourself but be aware none the less. Child sport is meant to be fun. In
fact, all sport, and indeed life, is meant to be fun. Fun is fundamental.
Never lose sight of this. Play fun, socialising games with the children
(see appendix). Get to know the child and allow them to get to know
you. Child Coaching is all about the individual. You are not coaching a
player; you are coaching a child.
“Connect with the child, develop the child; improve the player. Be kind!”
Love is also an important concept in connection. It is love in the sense
of the ancient Greek term ‘Agape’ which is unconditional love that
transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. Coaches love the
game and therefore must love their players. Coaching with love will
create connection. This connection you develop with the child will
allow you to challenge and stretch them when needs be and they will
understand you are coming from a good place with feedback that
might otherwise be met with resentment.
Put simply; coach the game you love with love. For me coaching with
love means striving to have nothing but positive intentions for the
players you coach and owning their challenges as your own. Coaching
the game, you love, with love, allows the children to play the game,
they love, with love. We must help nurture this love of the game in
them. This love will breed persistence which is a prerequisite for
reaching their potential. This love will breed learning. Coaching from a
point of love will give you peace of mind and solace. You literally
cannot lose. You are a developmental coach and simply want what is
best for the child.
You should come up with some sort of method or system to connect
with every child you coach at every session. In my role as teacher, I
developed a system to do this. I always ask that every child says hello
to me every morning on entering the classroom, and goodbye and
thanks every evening. I also ask them come up to me at my desk with
their homework every morning. It is my chance to look them in the
eye and connect with them straight away. It guarantees connection
before the day’s work even begins we are now in a position to work
together. Adapting this concept into your coaching you can insist that every
child says hello to you on entering the field daily. A quick hello, some
eye contact and a quick ‘High Five’ (a fist touch / handshake). The
coach/child connection is made automatically and can now develop
throughout the session. Over time, even the shy and introverted child
will look you in the eye and say a few words. The more extroverted will
say much more! With structure and practice each connection will grow
stronger and stronger over time.
Without such a system you may find yourself half way through a
session not even knowing if certain players are there, and may never
even acknowledge the child throughout the session. Can you see the
need for systematic connection?
“Connect with the children. No Connection=No Coaching.”
Another simple means of developing connection pre training is to
actively float around the players for the five or ten minutes before
training starts having a little word with them, a laugh or a joke or
helping them with something they are struggling with. This practice
will see your connection with the players develop.
Do you currently, actively and consciously, connect with each child at
your session? If not, come up with a way you can systematically
connect with each player at each session?
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As previously stated, in order to connect, you must get to know the
child. To this end information on them is key; their likes, their dislikes
and so on. The simplest way to do this is to have them fill out a Player
Profile Sheet. This sheet must obviously be age appropriate and for
the very young their parents can help them with it. You can choose to
keep them private or share them with the rest of the team. There is so
much you can do with this profiling concept if you are willing to put in
a little effort (or indeed get someone to help you- always seek help).
You can build private personal profiles for each player from your own
observations which will be useful in helping you understand them and
thereby connect better and coach them better.
Opposite is a sample Player Profile for a 10-year-old. For the younger
children you can make it simpler for the older ones make it more
advanced if you please. Draft your own one; ask the questions you
want answers for. Illicit the information that will help you connect with
the child.
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